


Dancing Fish and Other Phenomena

by lividlillies, Sara Generis (kanadka)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Abrupt Ending, Alternate Universe - Human, Drunken Shenanigans, M/M, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 21:06:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7238500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lividlillies/pseuds/lividlillies, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanadka/pseuds/Sara%20Generis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lovino invites two friends over. Those two friends invite their friend, Vodka. It's a party.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dancing Fish and Other Phenomena

**Author's Note:**

> I forget exactly how this began. I think [lividlillies](http://archiveofourown.org/users/lividlillies/pseuds/lividlillies) had asked for prompts on tumblr and so I asked for something Romanada? And I think she included Estonia because she knows what A Problem I have. I don't actually remember how this happened. But she wrote approximately the first half and then sent it to me, and then I picked up where she left off. See if you can figure out who wrote what!
> 
> (hint: the point where I take over is the point where Canada stops having such great, quotable lines in his thought process.)
> 
> Also, they are drunk, but it should be known that none of this is nonconsensual. These idiots just don't have the ability to act on their feelings without what they consider social lubrication.

Lovino’s house was always pleasantly warm. Matthew appreciated that in a place, especially considering Alfred ran the air conditioner in the summer like he was trying to maintain an ice rink somewhere deep within his house. Francis didn’t believe in air conditioners, and that was almost worse. But Lovino did, and that was good. That was really nice.

“I like your house,” Matthew said. His head drooped and fell onto Lovino’s shoulder, and he could feel the other man’s laughter vibrate through him. They were sitting on the floor, backs against the couch and their feet tangled together.

Lovino reached around his back and patted Matthew on the head. “Thanks,” he said. Amusement coloured all of his words tonight. That was nice, too.

“I’m not sure if we should put Eduard in charge of the booze,” Matthew said. The fish in Lovino’s Moroccan rug were swimming a complicated dance across the floor, and they’d only done a couple rounds.

Right?

Maybe it was closer to five rounds.

Eduard was a tricky man. Good poker face.

“How mad will you be,” Matthew swallowed thickly, and noticed Eduard enter the room in the peripheral of his vision. “How mad will you be if I throw up on your rug?”

“It’s a nice rug,” Eduard said. He put their drinks on a coffee table and then sat down across from them. “I’ve seen Vargas kill for less.”

Lovino scoffed at that and riddled off some type of expression or proverb in Italian.

Lovino’s hand was really warm on Matthew’s knee. When had it gotten to his knee?

Right. Two hands. He giggled, and leaned closer in to Lovino. His t-shirt was riding down, exposing his shoulder and a lot of neck. Matthew ducked in, pressed his nose and mouth against the faintly damp skin, and  _ licked _ .

“Should I get the camera?” Eduard sounded  _ smug _ . That didn’t even make sense.

Lovino patted Matthew’s knee. Fire bloomed along Matthew’s leg where the hand trailed, higher and higher up his thigh.

“ _ Oh _ ,” Matthew said. He angled his body until he was practically plastered against Lovino’s side. “That’s why he’s smug.”

Lovino tilted his head back so Matthew could suck a bruise into his neck. “You don’t even make sense anymore.”

Eduard laughed, a low, almost choked sound. “I’m pretty sure he couldn’t switch to another language if he tried,” he said.

“ _ I can so! _ ” Matthew protested.

“Was that Finnish?” Lovino asked, and Matthew could tell by the way Eduard’s laugh sounded that he had tipped his head back to let it out.

“I don’t think that was anything,” Eduard said.

“It’s Old Finnish,” Matthew lied, smiling into Lovino’s collarbone. Lovino snickered and snuck a hand beneath Matthew’s shirt, smoothed it up and down over the hard angle of his hips. Lovino’s hands were very talented, and also in a lot of places. Matthew had a feeling he was experiencing time a little differently than usual.  

Matthew heard the tell-tale sound of a zipper, which was strange, because the only one wearing a zipper was…

He glanced over at Eduard, who quickly turned a shade redder.

Lovino chuckled and ducked in to kiss Matthew on the lips. Matthew turned his head, following Lovino’s lead, and forgot about Eduard for a second.

A lot of seconds, actually. Lovino was a really good kisser. It started with Lovino brushing his lips in a slow, sensual movement against Matthew’s, bottom lip catching against Matthew’s top before he pulled away to come back, at a different angle. When Lovino smiled against his lips, his thumb drawing a pattern across Matthew’s stomach, Matthew returned it, a dopey grin no one but Eduard saw.

Lovino licked into his mouth and pressed a palm against his erection, and Matthew groaned.

“He sounds like he’s in pain,” Eduard joked, his words a breathy stutter.

Lovino pulled away to glare, and Matthew took the opportunity to twist and climb onto his lap. “ _ Somebody’s _ gonna be in pain if they don’t shut  _ up _ !” 

Matthew laughed and rocked his hips down and against Lovino’s. “You’re so  _ touchy,” _ he admonished.

Eduard spat his drink out through his nose, and Lovino tilted his head back to let out a harsh laugh. They both laughed harder when comprehension finally dawned, and Matthew groaned into Lovino’s shoulder.

“You’re both terrible,” Matthew said. He tilted his head until his ear was resting against Lovino’s shoulder. The tanned skin just above the collar of his shirt was sufficiently distracting that Matthew forgot about how much he hated them and their laughter. He pressed his mouth against the firm line of it and applied opened mouthed kisses, sucking and biting down on a whim.

Eduard slurped the last of his drink. “Why don’t you take some clothes off?”  

Lovino scoffed. “Why don’t you put your hand down your pants and shut up?”

Matthew leaned back so Lovino could pull his shirt off, turning his head away so Lovino wouldn’t see his amusement. He was a bit of a pushover. Just a tiny bit.

Lovino grabbed the bottom of his own shirt and ripped it off in the angriest strip tease Matthew had ever seen. He fell backwards, onto Lovino’s thighs, and a burst of laughter escaped without warning. Lovino’s scowl was so pronounced Matthew could start personifying it.

His scowl deepened. His scowl smouldered. His scowl tore his face apart like a rabid animal.

Matthew kept laughing. He laughed so much he fell over.

“Your sexual prowess,” Eduard said, “Is astounding.”

“His or mine?” Lovino griped. “Here,” he said, and he reached out and grabbed Matthew by the arm and pulled him up. When Matthew was upright again, and Lovino had arranged them so they could stare each other in the eyes, he sighed. “How’re you doing?”

“I’m good,” Matthew said. He crawled back onto Lovino’s lap and wrapped his hands around his neck. This was a good place to be. His dick certainly thought so, and he pushed forward until he could feel Lovino’s erection through his shorts. Score one for gym shorts; not for strip clubs, but awesome for friends’ living rooms.

Lovino’s hands settled against his sides almost hesitantly, flesh warm against flesh. “You’re drunk as fuck,” Lovino said.

“Yeah,” Matthew agreed. “’Cause you gave Ed the booze.”

“He didn’t give me anything,” Eduard said, voice pitched weirdly. Matthew felt like now would be an awesome and terrible time to turn around and look at him. “I bought the booze.”

“Yeah,” Lovino agreed, and he started dragging Matthew forward so they could grind against each other. “But you used a fucking crate of  _ Orangina  _ and all my soda water.”

“You have way too much soda water,” Matthew said, probably before Eduard could. “No one should have that much soda water.”

“You and Al think  _ no one  _ should have soda water because you’re both five years old,” Lovino snapped.

“Which is why I used all the  _ Orangina _ ,” Eduard said. “Do you always fight with the people you’re having sex with?”

Lovino grabbed a handful of Matthew’s ass and squeezed. Matthew half expected him to grind his jaws together.

“Just you,” Lovino muttered. Matthew grinned and laid a kiss on his lips that Lovino smiled into.

Lovino was like putty, Matthew thought, very beautiful, very angry putty with great cheekbones and a perfect complexion.

Matthew pulled back to look into his eyes. “You’re very pretty,” he said, voice unnecessarily serious. Eduard sputtered.

Lovino pressed his forehead against the crook of Matthew’s shoulders and neck. “I can’t with this kid,” he said.

“Who?” Matthew asked. “Me?”

“Yes, you! Jesus, Mary, and  _ Joseph _ ,” he swore.

“I think you need to take more clothes off,” Eduard said.

“Oh,” Matthew said, sitting back and grinning. “You’re right. That always fixes my problems.”

Lovino swallowed and raised both eyebrows.

“Fixes  _ my  _ problems,” Eduard replied.

Matthew began it by slipping his thumbs past his waistband, but stalled when the waistband had dipped low enough to expose the top curls of his hair, blond as his head but darker, coarse and wiry. Lovino appeared to have had enough of that, and took it the rest of the way by reaching past the elastic (and Matthew's underwear) to grab his erection. With his bare hand. Lovino's bare hand on his cock.  _ God _ .

Matthew moaned, grinding into his hand by shoving his hips forward and holding on to Lovino’s shoulders, and enjoyed it a few minutes too long for Eduard's liking.

"Don't leave a guy hanging," Eduard drawled.

Matthew twisted in Lovino's lap to face him for the first time.

Eduard, caught in the act redhanded, looked guilty but didn't remove his hand from inside his jeans. "I meant him," he said.

"Sure," Matthew replied. 

Matthew fumbled around with the waistband, slipping his hand inside it around Lovino's warm, soft skin. It made it so easy to slip it lower still. Lovino grunted and shifted his hips up needily when Matthew wrapped a hand around his cock.

"I'd have to get off you to get these off entirely," Matthew said.

"So get off," Lovino moaned, his hands on the floor, pushing up for purchase inside Matthew's grasp, and not at all looking like he intended Matthew to move.

Thus it was up to Matthew to physically remove himself from Lovino's person, which he did by falling backwards and landing on his ass on the rug, sprawling spread-eagled over it. He blinked and looked up at Eduard's amused expression, upside-down, the only thing in his field of vision that wasn’t spinning.

"Hi," Matthew said cheerily.

"Hello," said Eduard, smiling a shark's grin.

Then he removed his hand from his pants and - with a movement too fast for someone who should be drunk - Eduard pinned Matthew's shoulders to the rug.

"Hey, what-" began Matthew.

"Now you can get his shorts," said Eduard, to Lovino.

"Good idea," replied Lovino. He dragged the waistband of Matthew's gym shorts past his erection, down his thighs, and slipped them off his body entirely. He didn’t so much spread Matthew's legs as he did place himself in between them, leaving Matthew no other recourse of action but to move them out of his way. "Yeah," said Lovino, with his hands on Matthew's bare hips, "this is good this way too."

And then he leaned down and licked the underside of Matthew's cock, from root to tip.

"Ah," Matthew breathed, "jesus -"

Lovino gave him no warning before taking the tip in his mouth and laving his tongue across it, sidling it over the head. Lovino was drunk as shit too, as drunk as Matthew, which meant more drunk than Eduard, but damn him for being good at this even while three sheets to the wind. Matthew closed his eyes and arched into Lovino’s mouth.

He gasped and found his mouth covered, the air stolen from Eduard's mouth. His eyes flew open. Eduard, who, judging from the arm movements that Matthew could see, was still touching himself, had leaned over low, and waited for Matthew's distraction from Lovino sucking him off to kiss him.

The heat around his cock took him aback - Matthew had thought the room was warm, and then he’d stripped naked and was writhing on a rug and had never felt hotter in his life, did alcohol affect your body temperature as easily as the passage of time? - and the room was still sort of spinning even though he was flat on his back on the floor and Eduard had him safely grounded, his shoulders pinned to the rug, but Eduard was also the one kissing him deeply. Less technique than Lovino - but Eduard didn't seem to be trying to make him swoon - but this was full of pent-up passion as Eduard pressed his tongue deeper into him and moaned.

Matthew blushed down his neck to mid-chest.

Lovino pulled off his cock with a messy, wet noise. "Anybody got anything?" he slurred.

Matthew wasn't so sure. One, whiskey dick. Two, he'd never done that before and it wasn't that he was against the idea, but he'd've preferred being sober for it! 

"Uh," he panted, when Eduard had finally let go of his mouth, "I am. Uh. Waaaay too drunk for that."

"I'm not," shot back Eduard, in a tense voice.

"Hand lotion in the bathroom, down the hall," replied Lovino evenly, staring at Eduard.

In retrospect, Matthew would wonder, really? Hand lotion? Did he have nothing better, was Eduard not nearly as good a friend to deserve some actual lube?

But he only wondered that in retrospect because he was too drunk at the time for this to make anything but sense. Of course! Hand lotion!

Obediently, Matthew fetched the bottle and by the time he returned found Eduard, with his shirt unbuttoned and completely open, and his pants gone, in Lovino's lap, although backwards, with his back pressed to Lovino's chest. (What did dawn on Matthew at the time was what a nice pair they made like that, and no wonder Eduard had just dived straight into touching himself, the way he had when Lovino had Matthew on his lap.) Lovino was - Matthew gulped - Lovino was fingering him, his legs open enough that his knees, on the inside of Eduard's thighs, kept Eduard's legs spread wide open.

It really seemed almost stupid to keep the shirt on. But it gave normally-unrufflable, always-presentable Eduard a pleasant dishevelled look, thought Matthew, as the shirt slipped down his shoulders invitingly.

"Toss me that," said Lovino without looking Matthew's way. Matthew did. Lovino made short work of it and stuck a second finger up Eduard, this time with slick. Eduard gasped and twisted and shifted his hips, falling and rising in Lovino's lap.

Holy god, Matthew thought, he is fucking himself on Lovino's fingers.

"Have you done this before?" asked Matthew, incredulous.

"Yeah, but I wasn't this fuckin’ wasted -" admitted Lovino, at the same time that Eduard moaned, "Never, I'd never thought -"

There was a small silence.

"Oh," said Lovino. "Uh. I can go slower -"

Eduard shook his head. "This is fine," he gasped, "this is good, very good, don't stop!"

So he continued. Finally, he took hold of himself and said, "This one's a bit more ..."

"Don't care," said Eduard. He gritted his teeth and clenched his eyes shut, just in case, as Matthew sat down slowly in front of them both, facing Eduard.

He watched as Lovino's cock carefully disappeared inside Eduard's body.

When he was in as far as he could go, Lovino kissed the back of Eduard's shoulder, exposed by the shirt, and Eduard, his hands on his thighs, bent forward, said to Matt, "You going to enjoy the show or partake?"

The snarky sentiment was somewhat lost in his strangled tone of voice.

So Matthew moved forward, hyper-aroused himself, as Lovino began to rock his hips into Ed's, pushing himself in, pulling out, small thrusting movements. It let Eduard balance himself on Matt's chest, which Lovino began by tilting him forward. "Yeah, like that," Lovino mumbled, into Eduard's back, "'s a better angle." He thrust in hard and Eduard let out a low, strangled groan into Matthew's neck.

The more he got used to it, the more Eduard took a little initiative, fucking himself on Lovino's cock and shifting back and down to take more in.

Matthew wrapped a hand around Eduard's dick, partly to get him off, partly so that he'd moan more into the side of Matthew's neck again. Foggily, he decided he really liked the feel of the vibration from Eduard's lips. Matthew moves closer, between Eduard's legs, and if it were at all possible Eduard spread them wider to accommodate Matt's body.

He was genuinely surprised by Eduard's flexibility, for a nerd! These are the things you just don't know about each other until a night of drunken sex, evidently.

But Matthew didn't linger long in novelty. He shoved himself next to Eduard's cock and wrapped his hand around them both, the intimacy of the two of them, touching like that, a little too strong for his inebriation, knocking him a bit towards sobriety.

Eduard pushed his hand away and took over - of course he was a control freak about how he was touched, that just kind of made sense - so Matthew touched his chest instead, tracing circles around his nipples, twisting them as Lovino thrusts in hard. Eduard thrashed and squirmed but there wasn't much room for him to move, sandwiched tightly as he was between Matthew and Lovino. It might have explained the tautness of his cries.

Over Eduard's bare shoulder, Lovino caught his eye.

It was natural to lean in, his cock in Eduard's hand rubbing against Eduard's, his hand pressed on Eduard's skin between their chests. Lovino turned his head and kissed him soundly, brushing his lips delicately with his own, then sealing them more firmly together. He felt Lovino's hot, wet tongue sweep past his lips to stroke his own and as Lovino cupped his cheek with the hand that wasn't gripping Eduard's hip, tilting it gently, Matthew moaned.

And it was like that how they finished, a sticky, drunk, sated mess, with Eduard stuck between them, panting, fucking himself to completion first, moaning in Matthew's ear and coming into their hands. At some point Eduard's loud moaning stopped bothering him though, because between Lovino's incredible mouth and Eduard's warm body pressed against him, Matthew felt good - felt great, was flying high - and couldn't stop himself from crushing them all together.

It took a minute for them to calm down. "Where's your bed?" asked Eduard.

"Fucking _no_ ," Lovino snapped. "We are sweaty and disgusting. We're taking showers first."

"I call dibs," said Matthew, "I've got come all over my fucking stomach."

"Oh you do not know the meaning of filthy," said Eduard.

"And who invited you two to stay over, anyway!"

"I'm not driving like this!" complained Matthew. "I can't walk straight and the room is spinning! Remember? He fed us like four screwdrivers apiece."

"There is no way you're both still drunk after this," Lovino argued.

"Yes, well we took my car, and I can't sit to drive - I'm sure that's not your fault, certainly," muttered Eduard.

Lovino rolled his eyes. "Fine, but you're both taking the couches -  _ ah! _ "

Eduard shifted his hips back with a sly smirk.


End file.
